Gays - Nurture or Nature?

"Hey quickly look, see that guy over there", let us face the fact these are the stereotypical comments we tend to pass whenever we encounter such an individual who is amongst us but most probably we try to isolate this person just because he is a bit different, can you justify this? Let us start from the basics. A gay is generally a person who is sexually attracted to the same sex, can be addressed as a homosexual. Today we will examine the intricacies of this as well as examine the reasons and controversies that are associated with it. Intensive research has been undertaken to find the possible genetic, hormonal, developmental, social and cultural influences on sexual orientation but no findings have been able to prove that these feelings emerging within an individual are determined by a specific factor.

One of the controversies so proclaims that less gendered socialization in early childhood or preadolescence can ultimately result in a same sex romantic preference. Few reports also state that higher rates of fetal loss, low birth weights and physical deformity can cause disruption in the development. It may result in ultimately bringing these individuals towards homosexuality. If we see deeper there are a variety of psychological reasons which can eventually lead an individual to become a homosexual. We will carefully observe those. The first one is unhealthy childhood relationships with females. Who says only males can wound girls? Girls in multiple ways do the same to any male existing in her environment. If we consider females it includes mothers, sisters, female relatives and other extended family members. Criticizing one for his weaknesses, lowering his morale can cause lasting feelings of shame, insecurity and lack of self confidence which is mandatory for one's survival in this dog eat dog world.

Feminizing male, passing disgraceful comments and trying to sexualize him by commenting and mocking on one's body shape. It may seem as a joke but it has disastrous effects making the male either moving away from females by rejecting or developing hatred towards them, on the contrary there are many chances that males may feel endangered by women and thus prefer to establish a relationship with a same sex as a safer choice making him a homosexual. In one's childhood after encountering unhealthy relationships with females can cause a man's concept of females to be distorted hence distancing themselves and perceiving all women to be dominating, powerful, controlling and manipulative.

Due to these experiences a male can feel overpowered, inferior and develop complexes. Hence feeling incapable of getting into a relationship with a female hence the individual finds it better to be with a same sex companion. The consequences are such that one starts feeling incongruent with one's own genders as they have perceived themselves as inappropriate and inefficient. Constant allegations on one to be called feminine can cause the unconscious mind to be drawn towards males. Sexual abuse by males and early exposure to pornography can also aid in intensifying homosexuality. Have you ever been a victim of child abuse or molestation? There are chances for you being prone towards this. As we are living in the 21st century there are many cultural influences that have highly affected today's generations. The homosexuality culture is something that makes oneself curious and wishes to explore new avenues. Pro-homosexual sex education and also depictions of homosexuality as a casual behavior has leaded an individual to choose a 'Gay" life.

Is it wrong or right? Acceptable or Unacceptable? We are no one to judge this. All we can do is treat all individuals with equality and respect. Can't we?

Gay Marriage and Similarity With Legitimising Children Born Out of Wedlock (By Norma Holt)

It is not that long ago that children who were born to unwed parents were ostracised by society and illegitimate according to the law. The only thing they were responsible for was being born of parents whom religion targeted because their union was not 'sanctioned' by the Church. That type of baloney is no different to banning gay or transvestite people from legal recognition of their love for each other and a bonding relationship.

The Catholic Church uses marriage as a sacrament and is bitterly opposed to anything that weakens its grip over society. Established by Constantine, a Roman Caesar who is identified as 666 in Revelation 13:12-18, the religion has used everything from violence to murder to maintain its position.

Thankfully people are waking up to its lies and the agenda it serves, but not quickly enough. It is based on the premise of heaven and hell as places of eternity after death. This is its greatest lie as no such places exist.

Professing to hold the 'keys to heaven' its rituals and laws are based on those of ancient Babylon and the Islamic religion, which developed in that city. Constantine was an Amorite, that is the nation who raided Italy and built Roma (reverse Amor).

He reinstated Mary, the Mother God of that city, as the Mother of God. Men marry 'Mary' to become priests, exactly as was practiced in that place. Jerome, who followed soon after, wrote the New Testament based on the laws, festivals, calendar, and rituals of Islam.

My research into the roots of Catholicism and, therefore, religion followed my reincarnation and knowledge that there is a Great Spirit of the Universe that controls all things. Nowhere in the bible is marriage mentioned and as the New Testament is fake anything in it is not and should not be of concern.

Just as people fought to be recognised as legitimate in the eyes of the law those who are gay or transvestite are fighting now a very similar battle. As a man in my last life and a female in this one it is something I understand all too well.

In my early life my body felt strange but the insight given to me showed that this was done for a reason. I missed the strength of being a man and have never been 'womanly' as such, although I am also not gay. It is time, therefore, to put all questions of equality to rest and to legalimise same-sex marriage. After all, what harm is it to anyone other than the Catholic Church?

If people want a ritual and to dress up in fancy clothes and have a party, then they should be allowed to do so. While there is no such thing now as an 'illegitimate' child, nor should there be prejudice and hate towards those who life their life in a loving relationship outside of what is considered the 'norm'.

Norma Holt knows that the basic premise of the world order is upholding religious ideology and myths. Her extensive research went to the heart of the heaven and hell scenario to demonstrate how far man has gone to create his own paradise on earth while living through hell to do it.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Gay-Marriage-and-Similarity-With-Legitimising-Children-Born-Out-of-Wedlock&id=9796425

Depression Is Caused By Lying To Yourself

 

Life is a lie. That sounds like a standard statement of a depressed person, but our discussion here is to show that believing a lie causes depression.

Let's begin with saying that depression can be mild, momentary, brief or, long and deep. Whatever the level of depression you feel, or have felt, a probable original cause is believing a lie of some sort to some degree.

Because this article can sound negative, I would like to ask you to not take any of this as negative. That would be your imagination again. This is so positive if you are willing to open your mind and break the illusion you want to live with, the illusion that has been fed to you, the great lie.

The let down when you have trusted someone or had faith in something that turns out to not be true or not deliver on the promised or hoped for outcome, will often result in depression. The length and depth of the depression is determined by your personal resilience and attachment to the hoped for future.

Usually, when we want something very badly, the desire comes with a level of doubt that we will get it, and that usually means we are closing an eye to the reality, and hoping that all works out the way we want.

The more difficult your life is, the more problems and loneliness you have or, whatever you are lacking to make you happy, the more open you will be to believe a lie that promises happiness.

This is the principle behind a revolution and rise of a dictator for example. The masses are desperate enough they will believe that the leader will change the way the country is run, only to put him in power and find out he is even worse. The same principle goes for the birth of a new religion or false teacher.

The disappointment is depressing and starts more unrest. The world has seen so many of these situations with the French, Russian and other revolutions in the past.

Religion can be one of the biggest let downs in life. The only thing that keeps religions with the promise of the good loving God going is that either the person is bred to have blind faith since birth so it is too deeply programmed to reject, or they are so desperate they have no one else to turn to.

Governments are theoretically meant to protect and serve the citizens. Marriage is supposed to be for better or worse, till death do you part. We all know what lies those and so many other promises are. In recent years, people are more and more discouraged because the promise that if you work hard and save up, you will have a nice retirement, is not at all guaranteed.

Living a life based on lies will result in disappointment and that leads to depression when there are enough repeated disappointments. Finding a partner through the process of dating can become very depressing after so many lies come out with every one you meet. This makes finding 'the one' a hopeless concept, and thus one enters all new relationships with doubt and distrust rather than hope and an open mind.

We are faced with a choice; see the truth about human nature and life on earth, or live with your eyes closed and hope for the best as you blindly wander through life.

The latter is what many people choose to live with, but that always brings a letdown.

The truth shall set you free

This ancient saying is a truth. Accepting the truth frees you from; your mind and imagination. It is our imagination that is behind our depression because it lifts us up only to be dropped crashing on sharp rocks down below.

Im not saying we should not be creative and use our imagination. I am referring to the imagination that wants to believe things that are simply not true.

The disappointment is finding out that what we thought was true is ultimately not. That's ultimately guaranteed when you believe a lie. Then you may either become hopeless because your last hope turned out to be a lie, or you could feel like a fool and idiot for having believed something that you now see was so obviously false that only an idiot would have fallen for that.

There was a man I knew who had gangrene in his toe. He refused to have it amputated and believed it would heal as he was a 'man of faith' and refused to accept the truth. It eventually spread and he lost his whole leg. The lie that God would heal his toe only led to a major depression and limited life. But if he accepted the truth that God, if there even is a god as the religions want us to believe, is not going to get involved in your life, and you have to take responsibility for yourself and accept the facts of life as a human, and keep your leg and foot and four toes.

Either way, it is depressing. So the resolution to depressed thoughts caused by believing all the lies is in accepting the truth of the world, life and the nature of human nature. I am not going to point out all the many lies that our world and humanity is filled with, rather, it will be better for you to discover what lies you are falling for that have let you down.

Yes, it is nice to believe that essentially all humans are good, but the fact is that self-preservation and self-interest with all the greed that humans are ruled by, are more powerful than the essential subtle goodness in our soul.

The point is to say; see everything objectively, see everyone objectively as the human animal nature which rules them, see whatever you believe your religion to be objectively, and stop living on hope of the impossible or winning the lottery. Salmons swim upstream, but they die in the journey.

But most importantly, see yourself objectively and when you catch that your imagination has you believing a lie, instantly admit your mistake and move forward with your new belief.

The best method of altering the proportion of lies to truth, to the majority being on the side of truth, is to live based on the evidence. It's a simple two steps.

Think about this. How many people have delivered on their promises? How many have let you down? How many smart people compared to stupid people have you encountered? How many times has God delivered a miracle without you having actually been the main participant?

Live based on the evidence, treating every situation and event based on the evidence rather than blind hope, and you will find that there are so many less disappointments.

That is the first step towards ending depression and making life more livable. It also makes you far more successful because you will see what is really happening and take action to protect yourself from loss, or move forward on opportunities while everyone else sits back in their dream state.

The second step is simply to take responsibility for your life. Accept what comes to you, what you have and do not have. If you do not like it, then do whatever it takes to change it. You and you alone are the only one you can rely on. The rest are just lucky chances that worked out well, but not to be counted on.

There is a reason for this world to be based on these lies, and that is something you may discover on your own, but you have to first see all this as positive and freeing. The truth will set you free as your eyes open to reality which will be like gaining perfect vision after living near blind your whole life. There is a lot more to see than you realise, and this is called having cutting insight.

My Life (Growing up as a Gay man)

Growing up in Uganda, homosexuality was something we never talked much about. It was for this reason that I grew up different from other children in our village. For example around the age of 12 years I found I had difficulties to make friends with my fellow boys in traditional known ways, like playing childhood and teenage games, instead, I found myself sexually attracted to them.

However coming from a strong Anglican back ground, (my Mum was a born-again Christian and a warden in the church) I grew up, with my brothers and sisters knowing we have to have to accent to that religious set-up. We grew up to know that religious leaders preached the well-known mantra, that homosexuality is a sin, and goes against God’s wishes. We therefore never got to think about it much.

As I grew up and joined secondary school and high up post –secondary institutions, that’s when I actually realized that I was attracted to boys. I think other students knew but couldn’t say it to my face. Instead, they found it opportune to tease me, calling me girls’ names. With my background, this created social problems for me, as I was not naturally attracted to girls like all other friends of mine and yet I couldn’t date my fellow boys. I was the only one who never had a girlfriend, for example.  I therefore ended up confused and living like a recluse. I was lost. I didn’t know what was happening to me at first, but even when I knew, I felt disempowered, for I couldn’t live the life I wanted, even though it wasn’t my own making. I ended up growing up a very shy boy with confidence issues. However I started dating another shy boy when I was in secondary school. But at this time, as I said earlier, I didn’t even know what homosexuality was as it’s a word that was never talked about. What I knew though, was that it was taboo and so against regulations. So we had to hide as much as we could. Actually nothing sexual took place at this time but we knew ourselves to be in love. We used to exchange few, cheap gifts (we were as broke as a church mouse) like hankies, buying cards for each other and really being close together whenever opportunity arose. This relationship ended quickly as we went to different schools for our A’levels. At University, I got in love with another friend of mine. This was kept a high level secret between us. Having an advantage of sharing a hostel room worked well for us. Other students would think we were just room—mates, as we could try to avoid being together outside our room. 

Leading this kind of life led me to develop clinical depression which I have been able to be supported out of, with the help of psycho-therapy. I can now talk freely of my natural being.

In Uganda, many people who get to be known as gay’s life is bleak. They are pursued by mobs, tortured by police, or run out of their homes.

Things for me started to change when I came to the UK. I actually got surprised to find gay people walking out free and saying it in public and even on some national TVs. But still, it wasn’t easy for me to openly come out due to the hard wired belief systems in my mind. I was in a community of many Ugandans and I knew I could one time go back to Uganda. This made me think I would face a bad situation if that was to happen.

My Mental health condition deteriorated and required me to talk to the GP about it. Funny enough, I could not associate my anxieties and panic attacks to my history, until the GP referred me to “Time to Talk”. The psychotherapist I was given was a gem. By listening to my past history, she was quick to point out where the problem came from. She did all she could to encourage me to come out and reassured me that nothing would happen to me while in this country. Since I came out, I’ve been at peace with my sexuality. My sexuality has been a learning experience in my life. I rejoice in my sexuality and know that…..and l look forward to my presuos time ahead

When I came out as gay the sort of hysteria that has since overwhelmed my friends and other people in our community was unthinkable. And indeed if I was still in Uganda, I probably wouldn’t tell anyone.

It is true that same-sex sexual acts between consenting adults have been illegal in Uganda since the British introduced their Penal Code during their rule. However the Anti-Gay Act that was passed and later quashed by the courts of Law was an expanded criminalisation and virulent homophobia that was another gift to society to harass people.

The Ugandan supporters of the anti-gay law say they are countering foreign influences and the international pressure to support homosexuality. In signing the law, President Museveni wanted “to demonstrate Uganda’s independence in the face of Western pressure and provocation” as though this were an act of resisting neo-colonial power.

It is simply untrue that homosexuality is un-African. Same sex-sexual conduct existed in various forms throughout Africa before the colonial period; same-sex relationships were known among several groups in Uganda, including the Bahima, the Banyoro and the Baganda. King Mwanga 11 the last pre-colonial ruler of what is now Uganda was said to have engaged in sexual relations with male courtiers.

I am a gay man. I am Ugandan. There is nothing un-African about me. Uganda is where I was born, grew up, and I call it my home. It is also a country in which I have become little more than an un-apprehended criminal because of who I am and whom I love. I want my fellow Ugandans to understand that homosexuality is not a Western Import and our friends in the developed world to recognise that the current trend of homophobia is destroying many lives in Uganda.

50 Years of Decriminalising Homosexuality

So 50 years ago, 27th July, the Sexual Offences Act 1967 received royal assent, partially decriminalising homosexuality and starting a long a difficult journey to end discrimination and harassment of LGBT people.

I was 17 years old at the time and very much in the closet as a trans woman - and terrified at the thought that I might also be 'homosexual'. It's difficult I think now for people to grasp just how frightening life was for all LGBT people back then, in the "Summer of Love." The news about the change in law was definitely not received well in my house.

Mid 1967 was an amazing time. The Labour Party under Harold Wilson's Leadership had secured a significant majority in the previous year and were now actively seeking to bring about social change. The Beatles had just released "Sgt. Peppers" heralding a new era in popular music and hippy flower power was transforming youth culture around the world. Britain had also officially applied to join the EEC, later to become the EU, which would become the catalyst for the positive changes in LGBT Law we all now enjoy.

But before the positive changes in LGBT law following the election of New Labour, we would still have to experience a severe hardening of negative attitudes. First the Sexual Offences Act of 1976 did not decriminalise homosexuality. The offence of gross indecency, which had resulted in Oscar Wilde's imprisonment, remained until 2003. In fact, as Peter Tatchell has shown, arrests for gross indecency increased by 400% by the mid seventies and remained at that level into the 1990's.

The 1967 Act applied specifically to consenting gay men, over the age of 21, who engaged in a sexual relationship 'in private'. Courts interpreted 'in private' very strictly as meaning 'no one else in the building.' As a result police aggressively persecuted gay men if they met a partner in a hotel room, which was not considered to be in private. Even simple acts of holding hands or winking at another man were likely to result in an arrest.

In fact between 1967 and 1997, legislation in the UK made life increasingly difficult for all LGBT people. In 1970 the annulment of April Ashley's marriage meant that transpeople could not legally change gender, meaning that many trans women were now treated as men and charged with gross indecency and sodemy.

During the 80's HIV and AIDs were seen my the conservative government as a 'gay plague' and in 1988, motivated by moral panic they enacted Section 28 of the local Government Act to make it illegal for the public sector to treat homosexuality as normal. As a result all public education about same sex relationships ceased until this was finally repealed in 2003.

You can perhaps understand from this why the LGBT community is celebrating this 50th anniversary so enthusiastically. Its not just about celebrating what happened 50 years ago - it is celebrating a 50 year battle. The offences of gross indecency and sodemy actually were still applicable in Scotland until 2013. Same sex marriage was finally allowed in the same year.

In 2015 over 7000 LGBT people reported hate crimes. In fact research indicates that over 75% of LGBT people have experienced hate crime though 95% of those crimes were never reported.

Celebrating this 50 year milestone as we have in Hull this past week is great and a reminder that we have now won most of the legal battles for equality. However, while changing the law has been difficult, changing attitudes is a much more difficult challenge we still have to win.

Coming Out to Your Children (By Sue L)

Coming out to your children has to be one of the most difficult decisions anybody can make. So how do you come out?

Here I will outline how I and my partner did this in the most effective and least destructive manner we could. By doing this I hope it may be of some use and support to others going through the same situation? I and my partner have been through this difficult transitional time and come out the other side (no pun intended!) with well adjusted, mature and loving children who are inclusive and accepting of difference. It wasn't an easy journey. However, I think if we had not had some consideration for how we told them we are gay and together so many years ago then perhaps we would be in a different position now?

So How To Tell the Kids You Are Gay?

Telling your children you are gay takes thought. Planning is paramount to any successful action. It doesn't matter if that is business or home/domestic decisions. If you blunder about with little idea of the direction or more importantly the outcome you want to achieve, it can end in failure, disappointment and more importantly in this case, misunderstanding and rejection.

Firstly you have to talk to your partner (if you have one) discuss with them what they want to achieve from telling the children and formulate a plan. It doesn't have to be a plan to rival the D-Day landings but you both have to be 'singing from the same song sheet' so to speak. The worst thing you can ever do as a parent is not support and agree with your partner on major issues relating to the children. There be dragons! Once you have both agreed how, when and where to tell your children you are gay what is the next step?

Our children were 7,8,9 when we told them. Obviously the language you choose to use will depend on the age of your children. Age specific language and an appreciation of how your children may respond is obviously particular to each family. Our plan in telling our children had to include how the children would react at the thought their piers and friends reaction. It doesn't matter how 'liberal' thinking you are or think you are, children of that age are very concerned how they are perceived by the world. With this in mind we had started to introduce the idea of same sex relationships for over 6 months previous to our actually sitting down with the kids and telling them we were together and we were gay.

Family members reaction to telling your children you are gay!

Other family members may not be as supportive as you may like! We had concerns from both sides of our families with comments like 'what if the kids are taken off you' or 'but it isn't normal' and other such nonsense based on ignorance. Legally we consulted our solicitor who informed us being gay is not reason for the courts to remove a child. If the home environment is stable and loving and not detrimental to the child's welfare then there are no grounds for removing the child from their home. This is the UK; the law unfortunately may not be the same elsewhere. We did have to go through the court system and investigations due to my ex-partners (father of her two girls) did not want the girls to stay with us. It took three years but eventually he gave up trying to remove them, he wasn't able to care for them himself but did not like our relationship. All this added stress from other members of your family will impact on your relationship with your partner and inevitably on the children. I think it just made us stronger but I can imagine the stresses being too difficult for many and causing a break up.

The aftermath of telling your kids you are gay?

The surprising thing is that once we sat our three children down and actually voiced the words 'your mum and I are together and we are gay' the three just looked at us and said "is that it"? "What's for tea"?

Their reaction or lack of reaction was a big surprise! In reality they all went away did their own things that evening, got on with homework, watching TV, playing and fighting with each other as usual. It was only over the next few weeks that we got more questions from the girls. Each one in their own way trying to make sense of what we had told them. In reality it did not really make much difference to them as we had been living all together in the same house for 2 years but we had not stated 'we are gay' to them.. as it had not seemed appropriate at the time and their ages had prevented too much interest from them as they were too involved in their own lives!

Ten years after!

Now our children are older teenagers.. 17, 18, and 19 (almost) we have asked them how they feel/felt when we told them we were in a relationship and gay. All three have disclosed that they did get some flack from some people at school when they were very young but once they got to high school we were quite cool parents! They didn't say that at the time when they were screaming at us if we asked them to clean their rooms! They and their friends who have all been here at our house for sleep over's and party's etc are accepting of us and of difference in any shape or colour.. we are not that interesting to them anyway.. are any parents interesting to teenagers? I somehow doubt it!

My conclusions in this are that telling your young children you are gay can seem to be a daunting and difficult decision but you have to tell them some time. They will process the information in the best way they can, given their individual character and the nature of your relationships with them beforehand.

All children will have outside influence that may try to undermine their sense of self, there will be some opposition and even disgust from family and strangers. All children growing up in any family will have to experience some dislike of some aspect of themselves or of their lives but it is how supportive you are as a parent I believe that will give them the resilience to fight against negative comments and open hostility. That has nothing to do with sexuality or what type of relationship you are in; if you are a supportive and loving parent the children have the security to rise above much of the dross thrown their way.

Now we have three strong minded, individual and accepting young women for daughters. They cannot understand the mindset that allows prejudice to determine how someone is treated. They are very supportive and protective of us and our relationship. So although we are on the long long bumpy ride through adolescence and young adulthood which brings many challenges and conflict! We are happy that our children are happy with us and our relationship. Even if they still resist the constant demands to 'Clean Your Room'! Normal everyday life on planet teen!


http://ezinearticles.com/?Coming-Out-to-Your-Children&id=1960265

Stages Of Coming Out

Here's a handy reference that examines the common stages that a person typically goes through when coming out as lesbian, gay or bisexual.

It is important to realize that everyone is unique and not everyone will follow these stages exactly how they are presented here. It is perfectly normal for a person to go through these stages in a different order or to even skip entire stages. It is also very common for a person to be going through multiple stages at one time.

Everyone's situation is different and, therefore, everyone's process of coming out will be equally individual. The stages listed here are offered as a guide so that you may know what to expect when coming out of the closet. The trick is to take this guide and apply it to your situation and your life. Again, everyone's coming out process will be different, and you should only do what seems best for you.

Stage One - Identity Question

At the beginning of every person's coming out process is a period where that person begins to question his or hers heterosexual identity. This typically happens when a person realizes that he/she is attracted to members of the same sex. They begin to ask themselves the question, "Am I really straight?" It takes some people years to answer that question, where others take less time. Most people are shocked and scared to think that they are not be straight and, therefore, many people deny that they might be lesbian, gay or bisexual. Some people never move on from this stage and live their lives as heterosexuals.

Most people keep their identity question to themselves during this stage, while some confide in close friends or other people who are out as lesbian or gay. Many look for other resources that might help them determine if they are actually homosexual or bisexual.

Eventually, most people will move from this stage of identity question to a state of internal identity acceptance, which is the next stage.

Stage Two - Internal Identity Acceptance and Education

At some point, anyone moving on from stage 1 will accept the fact that they are lesbian, gay or bisexual. A person in this stage stops asking the question "Am I gay?" and instead accepts the fact that they are gay. This does not mean that a person in this stage is happy or proud of being gay, only that they realize it. Pride will most likely come later. It is common to feel scared or nervous during this stage. Accepting your sexuality is a big step that will most likely mean many changes in your life. Feeling scared of how society, family, friends, co-workers, and members of your religious community will react to your sexuality is a natural reaction. Just remember that coming out of the closet is a process that is not always smooth, but it usually works out to the better.

This stage is also typically where a person in the process of coming out will begin to educate themselves about what it means to be lesbian, gay or bisexual. Many people visiting this website are probably doing just that. There are many excellent resources on the internet and in your local bookstore that can help you learn about lesbian, gay or bisexual life. It is important to educate yourself during this stage so that you know what to expect as you come out further.

Stage Three - Support

Supporting friends are very importing things to have while coming out. Typically people begin to first come out to a very selective group of extremely close friends. It is important to think carefully about who would be best to come out to first. It would probably be a good idea to pick a close friend that you know will be supportive of you. If you do not feel comfortable coming out to any of your close friends at first, another good way to start out is by telling someone you know who is lesbian, gay or bisexual. Their advice and support can really be helpful down the road. In either case, it is extremely important that you build an open relationship with a few individuals. As you begin to come out further, such as to your family, and begin to develop relationships this group of supportive friends will be an invaluable asset to you.

Often people first come out during a verbal fight. If you find yourself in this situation, where you want to use your new sexuality as a weapon in an argument, try your hardest not to. Coming out during high stress situations is definitely not preferable to well-planed scenarios.

If you feel that you are currently in this stage, do not feel obligated to come out to everyone yet. Take your time and think before you tell. Throughout your coming out process some people will take the news well and some will take it harshly. During the first few stages of coming out harsh reactions to your news will hurt worse than if you waited until later. Again, this site is just a set of general guidelines. It is important that you listen to your intuition and only do what feels comfortable to you. Play it safe, but be sure to find support somehow.

Stage Four - Pride

Once you begin to develop an open relationship with a group of supporting friends, you will feel relived. Many people comment that they feel happier than they have ever felt once they have the freedom to talk openly about their sexuality with someone. In stage 2, identity acceptance, a person says to themselves "yes, I am gay." In this stage, pride, a person says to themselves "yes, I am gay, and I like it." It may seem like a small difference between the two stages, but really it is a big step.

Depression, sadness, fear, etc. are common in the earlier stages, however, this is the stage where those feelings start to disappear. Being happy about who you are, sexuality included, is so important in order to lead a happy and fulfilled life. Developing a since of pride in yourself can be so powerful and beneficial to your mental health. Once you feel a since of pride, you will most likely be empowered to continue your coming out process.

Also during the Pride stage, you will most likely be less shy about your sexuality. You will start to notice more clearly how society is programmed to assume everyone is heterosexual. You will begin to feel more comfortable talking about your sexuality and will most likely come out to more of your friends. In this stage you will also begin to meet and become friends with other lesbians, gays and bisexuals. You will most likely begin to explore gay and lesbian culture by visiting bars, clubs and other hangouts.

Stage Five - Relationships

At some point, you will want to begin dating and forming romantic relationships. Many people, when they come out of the closet, experience a type of sexual revolution. After living in the heterosexual closet for so many years sexual tension builds up strongly. Once you feel pride in your sexuality, you may suddenly feel like letting all of those tensions loose. It is not the purpose of this guide to tell you what to do with your love life, but rather to give some incite into what you might go through as you come out. However, it is important that you think clearly before before acting on your sexual desires. Sexual responsibility is so important in today's world, not just for lesbians, gays and bisexuals but for everyone. Again, play it safe and trust your judgment.

Whether or not you go through a sexual exploration phase, you will eventually find yourself in a more purposeful and meaningful relationship. Love between same sex partners is real and just like love between heterosexuals. Same sex couples have the desire for commitment and families, despite what you may have been taught. In today's society, however, you will run into many places where being in a same sex relationship is made difficult by a patriarchal and heterosexist society. Visit the "Other Resources" section of this site for more information.

Stage Six - Telling the Family

Coming out to your family may be the hardest thing for you to do in your coming out process. Your parents most likely raised you assuming that you would be heterosexual. They probably have given some thought to you getting married and having children. When parents first learn of a child's homosexuality they often feel a loss. It generally takes some time for them to realize that they haven't lost anything and that things like marriage and children are all still possible.

If you have not yet come out to your parents, you probably feel distanced from them. A large part of your life does, or will, relate to you identifying as lesbian, gay or bisexual. You most likely miss having an open relationship with your family and are tired of keeping secrets from them. If you are in a serious romantic relationship, you probably feel even more distanced from your family. Holidays and family events are probably rough because you either can not spend those events with your partner or your partner is forced to masquerade as your "roommate".

Plan carefully how you are going to come out to your parents and prepare yourself any reaction they might have. All parents react differently to their child's sexuality. Some react harshly by cutting off communication and support between themselves and their children, while other parents are understanding and supportive. In most cases, parents need time to deal with the news. It may take them days, weeks or years to come to terms with your sexuality. During that time, some refuse to talk to their children, while others just want to ignore the sexuality issue hoping that it will go away. Before you come out to your parents, carefully consider any reaction they might have. If you are financially dependant on your parents, be prepared to support yourself for a while. In any case, remember that your first priority should always be protecting yourself.

Timing and they way in which you tell your parents and family are extremely important things to consider. It is a good idea not to come out when the family is gathered for a holiday or a death. Remember that you want your parents to respect you for who you are. Therefore, the way in which you come out should be respectable. E-mails, postcards, telephone calls, and surprising your parents on television are generally not the best way to go.

Trusting your judgment is so important when coming out to your parents. You know you parents better than almost anyone. Like anything related to coming out, listen to your intuition and play it safe. It is a good idea to educate yourself about how your parents might react to your sexuality and to prepare yourself for any questions they might have. There are a number of good books related to this issue.  Check out the 'Parental Stages of Grief' article here for more information on how parents and family may react.

Stage Seven - Balance

The last stage of coming out that most people experience is a final state of life balance. In this stage, being lesbian, gay or bisexual becomes just another part of who you are. There will always be new people in your life that you will have to come out to, so in a since the process of coming out never really ends. However, in this final stage coming out becomes less of an issue and more of a part of life.

http://emptyclosets.com/home/pages/resources/coming-out/stages-of-coming-out.php